


Whiskey

by Crazy_lil_munchkin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Affectionate Levi, Crack, Cute, Drunk Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Behavior, Insults, Kawaii, Offensive Levi, cute levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5602378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_lil_munchkin/pseuds/Crazy_lil_munchkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hange gets Levi drunk.</p><p>Erwin and Mike watch.</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>OR</strong></p><p> </p><p>Erwin and Mike take turns carrying a passed out Levi to bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Super_Bee! Sorry I'm late.

Why did it have to come to this?

"Come on! Come on, Levi! Drink it," Hange yells enthusiastically. The other soldiers hanging around the bar look over curiously, but turn away when Levi glares at them.

What had he done to deserve such pain?

"No," Levi says calmly.

"Don't be a party pooper! Have a little fun," She says hopefully.

Levi blinks.

"I will not be peer pressured by you, Hange."

Hange slumps in the seat next to him.

"It's not that I want to pressure you into drinking, that'd be horrible. I just want you to let lose a little. You can trust me." She smiles.

A moment of silence.

"You're pressuring me!"

"I know! I'm a horrible human being- now drink!"

Levi huffs. "Fine,"

Hange shouts in triumph but Levi ignores her, taking a long sip from the glass in front of him.

He controls his wince as it burns on it's way down and sucks on the roof of his mouth, savouring the taste.

Hange has since quieted down and is now staring at him in awe.

"You looked like you were having a _religious experience_ ," She gushes.

Levi frowns at Hange as Erwin comes up behind her, tailed by Mike.

"Hange, don't go saying that stuff around the others. They'll bring Levi here every night just to witness him actually _feeling_ something. That is, if they have the balls to even approach him."

Erwin's lips twitch at the corners as he watches Levi's face.

"Shut up," He snaps.

Erwin grins.

Levi turns to Hange with an expectant look.

"Well?"

She looks taken aback. "Huh?"

Levi raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "You said you were going to get me drunk."

Hange grins as she flings herself away from the table and toward the bar.

"I knew you'd come around! You won't regret this Levi!"

"Oh, yeah. A choice with _no regrets_." He mumbles, crossing his arms.

Silence follows her exit as Erwin and Mike both take the two otherwise unoccupied seats at Hange's table (seriously it was Hange's table, she'd burnt her name into it with hydrochloric acid).

"How did she get you over here?" Mike asked monotonously.

"She tried carrying me, but I kneed her in the face and she tried to guilt trip me. It didn't work, I just got sick of her whining."

Mike takes a long sniff, then grins.

"I smell bullshit. You felt guilty,"

Levi bares his teeth at Mike. "Fuck you,"

"Hey, hey now. None of that! Here, Levi I got you just what you need."

Levi looks at the full bottle.

" _Whiskey._ " 

" _Yes_. It will get you nice and warm _and drunk_. Lovely isn't it?" Hange chirps.

Levi hums.

Hange sets down three ice-filled glasses and a shot glass. She offers a glass each to Mike and Erwin, who both accept.

"Right," Hange starts.

"Time to get you drunk, Levi!"

She takes the shot glass and tilts the whiskey in generously.

Levi inwardly begins to doubt his decision as Hange slides the shot glass across the table.

"Drink." Hange commands, with eyes of steel.

Levi sighs loudly, picking up the tumbler.

"Here goes,"

He tips his head back and feels the burn of the whiskey all the way down. He blinks hard, still not flinching, and frowns at the new warmth he feels in his belly.

Levi looks back up at the others, who have began sipping on their own drinks.

"You were right Hange. He looks positively _orgasmic_." Erwin smirks.

Levi turns to Erwin.

"Shut up, eyebrows. I bet you can't even _have_ orgasms now that you're so fucking old."

Mike and Hange snicker into their drinks.

Erwin frowns at him.

"I'm only a few years older than you,"

Levi waves him off, taking another shot.

"That _sir_ , is beside the point... _Of your eyebrows_ ," Levi whispers the last part but they all still hear him.

Erwin stares at him.

"You know, I've never been able to figure them out." Levi says, reaching his hands up to Erwin's face.

"They're fine here," He says, pinching the inner parts of Erwin's brows.

"But then they just-" Levi demonstrates this by blowing a raspberry, running his fingers to the ends.

Hange lets out a loud laugh and Mike's shoulders shake in a quiet chuckle.

Erwin sighs, waving Levi's wandering hands away.

"I think they're okay Erwin, don't worry." Mike says condescendingly. Erwin flips him off. Mike grins.

"Who knew you were such a lightweight, Levi." Hange says, awed.

"My theory was that even though you're small, you're weight in muscle would make up for it. It seem's that I was wrong."

Levi swivels around to see her and glares.

"You shitty four eyes, I'm not fucking small! And _yes_ I do have muscle. Lots. More than that shit-stained twig you call a body." He slurs. "Not a lightweight. I'm a heavy weight."

Erwin, Mike and Hange stare at Levi as he pulls the whiskey toward himself and takes a long pull straight from the bottle.

"Yeah. Not a lightweight at all," Mike mutters.

"And you!" Levi points an accusing hand at Mike.

"I'm still plotting my payback for what you did," He hisses.

Mike is uncharacteristically shocked. "I- What?"

"You put my perfectly _clean_ face in that _dirty_ water-" He cuts off, choking up in emotion.

"I-" Mike frowns as does Erwin. Hange just looks confused.

"Huh?"

"In the underground..." Erwin trails off.

Levi takes another pull from the bottle.

"You'd better watch your fucking _back_ , Mike. I'm so mad." He croaks out.

"Levi I'm-" Mike starts.

"No- no, don't apologise." Levi cuts him off, standing. "Mike, I have already forgiven you. Even though Erwin gave the order, the fucking prick. But payback will come in good time."

Mike sits back and closes his eyes, relieved.

"And it will be brutal," Levi whispers, right in his ear for dramatic flare.

Mike opens his eyes and glances at Levi, who has since moved around the table and lent on Mike's shoulder. He deems Levi of little threat to him as he closes his eyes again.

"Unsanitary foot-muncher," Levi grumbles, moving back to his chair.

Erwin snorts.

"Unsanitary foot-muncher? That's very creative, Levi." He rewards.

Levi growls around the mouth of the bottle. "You know _nothing_ , Erwin Smith!"

"Okay, Levi. I think you've had quite enough of that," Hange tells him, reaching for the whiskey.

He frowns. "Shut up, Hange. You're just mad that I can paint."

Levi doesn't put up much of a fight as Hange slips his hand off the nearly empty bottle.

Now that his hands are empty, Levi brings them up to his face and rubs his eyes, much like a tired child would.

Hange coos, then yelps when Levi kicks her shin.

"Maggot." He says, leaning over to bop her on the nose.

He then decides to flop down onto her shoulder.

"Eh?" Hange looks terrified.

Erwin laughs softly. "He's asleep, don't worry."

Hange smiles. "Oh,"

"Well," Mike says after he downs the rest of his drink. "I suppose it's time to go back,"

Erwin hums, "Yes, I suppose it is." He stands too.

"Uh, a little help?" Hange mutters, stiff. If she woke Levi now, all hell would break loose.

Both Erwin and Mike step forward at the same time. They both look at each other, realising their hastiness to carry Levi and step back again at the same time.

Hange huffs. "Would the two of you stop dancing and one of you just take Levi? I can't carry him for 10 steps let alone all the way back to the barracks. He weighs more than he looks, you know?" They all knew Hange could carry Levi, easily. She was giving up her chance for Mike and Erwin, who would likely not get chance ever again.

Erwin turns to Mike. "Haven't you got work to do anyway?"

Mike steps toward Levi, wiggling a hand under his knee's and the other around his back. He huffs, lifting Levi bridal style.

If Levi woke now they would all die.

"Haven't you? And besides, my rooms closer to his." Mike claims, making his way to the door of the tavern.

Hange and Erwin follow after him.

"Levi's room is right next door to mine..." Erwin mutters.

Hange snorts.

"Don't worry Erwin, you get to tuck him in."

They all make their way through the streets toward the Survey Corp barracks, all the while idly chatting about plans for the following day.

Just as Hange starts ranting on about a new theory she has concocted about Titan salivary glands, Levi groans softly.

They all stop walking and stare, frozen, as Levi curls his arms tighter around Mike's neck.

Erwin, Hange and Mike stand still in silence, waiting to find out if their lives will come to an abrupt end on this whiskey filled night.

After a few long moments they deem it safe to keep walking.

"That was a close one," Hange mutters.

She continues her story until they make it to their destination.

"Aw, we're already here. Oh well, time flies when you're carrying humanity's strongest to bed."

"You're not the one carrying him, shut up." Mike snaps.

Erwin steps forward. "He getting heavy?" He asks.

"Yes," Mike snaps. "Take him."

They do the swap with minimal fussing from Levi.

Mike shakes his arms out and Erwin frowns.

"Shit he really is heavier than expected."

Hange snorts. "Yeah, I wasn't kidding. Anyway... I'd better head off now. See you bright and early tomorrow!" She leans over Levi and gives him a quick kiss on the forehead.

Erwin and Mike gape as she runs away cackling like a mad woman.

"That woman is evil." Mike states very quietly as Levi starts shifting minutely.

"Yeah, if he wakes I'm going to make her do laps for-" Erwin looks up to see that he is alone.

"Mother- _fucker_!" Erwin hisses as he turns around and sees Mike's retreating form, across the courtyard.

"Hmm-" Levi groans, shifting his head against Erwin's shoulder.

" _Shit shit shit shit_." Erwin whispers.

A few moments pass and Levi doesn't move again.

Erwin lets out a huff of relief.

Levi's legs swing gently as Erwin makes his way up the stairs and down the halls to the small man's room.

He skilfully slips Levi's key out of his pocket and carefully opens the man's door, trying not to jostle his deceptively heavy frame too much.

He closes the door gently with his boot and makes his way over to Levi's bed, where he struggles to move the sheets without dropping Levi.

Erwin finally manages to pull them down enough that he's satisfied and gently lays Levi down.

Levi unconsciously curls up to his pillow as Erwin takes off his boots and jacket.

Erwin thanks the walls that Levi had decided not to wear any gear tonight otherwise he would have surely woken Levi trying to take it off for him.

Pulling the sheets up and around Levi's shoulders, Erwin wonders how long it's been since Levi has been tucked in like this. It scares him to think of this, so he brushes the thought away.

"Goodnight, Levi." Erwin whispers.

He closes the door after him and locks it before sliding the key under the door. He then makes his way to his own room.

Levi smiles, watching Erwin leave.

When the door closes he rolls over, thanking anything and anyone who was listening that he had met these idiots.

 

_End._

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone catch the references I made? Tell me if you found them ;)


End file.
